Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Good For Me
I kinda did alot of thinking today, on what I should do to that's Good For Me. I've been lazy, been denying, and been procrastinating. I have been just wanting to go home straight after work, too lazy to do anything or go anywhere.
TERRIBLE RIGHT!!!
I am going to start doing what I want to do, without thinking and analyzing too much. This is one thing i hate so much about myself. I would go into many layers of deeper thoughts when I have to do something, even the smallest or simplest thing. It's really tiring, that's why it tires me out so much, hence end up procrastinating or just avoiding it. And I end up not doing anything!
I wanna be different next year, my new year resolution. I wanna do something different. I'm gonna start running again. I'm gonna for blardy F sake go for my driving practical lessons. I have 6 months left before my advance theory expires. Damn this is the 3rd time! I'm gonna work towards having a meaning in life. I'm turning 30 next year and it's really time to do something about my life. Am I craving for more? Perhaps I am, just not realising it cos i have been contented with what I have. Or maybe i'm not, hense the unhappiness. Happy or not? I don't even know.
Whatever it is, and whatever it takes, i'm just gonna start doing what's good for me.
Life will be beautiful again.
TERRIBLE RIGHT!!!
I am going to start doing what I want to do, without thinking and analyzing too much. This is one thing i hate so much about myself. I would go into many layers of deeper thoughts when I have to do something, even the smallest or simplest thing. It's really tiring, that's why it tires me out so much, hence end up procrastinating or just avoiding it. And I end up not doing anything!
I wanna be different next year, my new year resolution. I wanna do something different. I'm gonna start running again. I'm gonna for blardy F sake go for my driving practical lessons. I have 6 months left before my advance theory expires. Damn this is the 3rd time! I'm gonna work towards having a meaning in life. I'm turning 30 next year and it's really time to do something about my life. Am I craving for more? Perhaps I am, just not realising it cos i have been contented with what I have. Or maybe i'm not, hense the unhappiness. Happy or not? I don't even know.
Whatever it is, and whatever it takes, i'm just gonna start doing what's good for me.
Life will be beautiful again.
Today's Dope
Gotan Project in SG 20 March 2011.
I am so gonna catch this. So sensual and sexy and awesome!
Click HERE For more details:
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tranquility
Whoa...it's been more than a year since I last blogged!
I have so much going on in my mind and my life...and as usual... I don't really like to talk about it...been bottling up all my problems...maybe that's the cause of me looking properous...or rather..bloated.
Life has been better this year, in a few ways, but time really flies. 2010 is almost gone in a few days time. I finally have a stable job, been with the co for 15 months already.
Love life has never been easy for me, what's new anyways, it's always the case.
But since I have chosen this path to be with him, I have learnt to be stronger and wiser in many ways, endurance level has gotten better too. We've been together for 16 months, unbellievable. Many didn't think we would even last a year. I know I am being silly and not being practical, choosing this path to be with a thai. But the most important thing that kept this R/S going on is his pure heart and sincerity.
I have been in a state of tranquility lately...my mind and soul so calm and peaceful...still...stagnant...quiet. I have been alone alot lately. I hate to admit this but I'm feeling lonely. My tranquil mind, or am I lonely? The feelings are mixed up. I'm kept busy, I have endless things to do, had the x'mas party to plan, but at the end of the day, I end the night in lonely tranquility. I know this is just a little phase everyone will go through once in a while. I don't know if this is just a passing phase for me or is this a wake up call. If this is a wake up call, I want to know what's that something I need to work on. I am very sure there is something that I need to make some adjustments to, but part of me is in denial, not wanting to face the music or to know what is really wrong with me.
Who can tell me what is wrong with me? who do i want to hear it from so it won't hurt that much?
So many things has happened this year, both good and bad, losing friends, living in denial.
It's really time for a big change, but what is it that I have to do, to be happy again.
Am I happy? Or am I just living in denial. I feel like it's a mix of both.
I can't deny i want something more than what I have now. I am starting to feel I need more and can't settle for too little. I'm starting to feel i can't continue living in a perpetual lie, deceiving my self and pretending to be happy. I need to find my true soul, my true heart. I felt i have lost myself, I don't feel my existence in myself, or with my friends.
Am i just feeling too tired to be feeling all these negativity, or is this all that i'm experiencing a genuine encounter.
He has been too busy working, he hardly have time for me. I hardly see my friends, I don't know why. Do i choose to be alone, or am i being neglected.
X'mas party was a 80% success, and followed by a failure Ferry Corsten session at zouk on xmas day. Then followed by alot of sleep. I didn't really get any nice present either. Is this a great x'mas? Or is it just my lonely neglected heart feeling cynical.
My heart and mind and soul is in such a state of tranquility, i almost feel like a lifeless zombie that just wants to sleep and do not want to be disturbed.
At the end of the day, I would be walking from the bus stop to home like a cold cold soul.
I just want peace and quiet...
I have so much going on in my mind and my life...and as usual... I don't really like to talk about it...been bottling up all my problems...maybe that's the cause of me looking properous...or rather..bloated.
Life has been better this year, in a few ways, but time really flies. 2010 is almost gone in a few days time. I finally have a stable job, been with the co for 15 months already.
Love life has never been easy for me, what's new anyways, it's always the case.
But since I have chosen this path to be with him, I have learnt to be stronger and wiser in many ways, endurance level has gotten better too. We've been together for 16 months, unbellievable. Many didn't think we would even last a year. I know I am being silly and not being practical, choosing this path to be with a thai. But the most important thing that kept this R/S going on is his pure heart and sincerity.
I have been in a state of tranquility lately...my mind and soul so calm and peaceful...still...stagnant...quiet. I have been alone alot lately. I hate to admit this but I'm feeling lonely. My tranquil mind, or am I lonely? The feelings are mixed up. I'm kept busy, I have endless things to do, had the x'mas party to plan, but at the end of the day, I end the night in lonely tranquility. I know this is just a little phase everyone will go through once in a while. I don't know if this is just a passing phase for me or is this a wake up call. If this is a wake up call, I want to know what's that something I need to work on. I am very sure there is something that I need to make some adjustments to, but part of me is in denial, not wanting to face the music or to know what is really wrong with me.
Who can tell me what is wrong with me? who do i want to hear it from so it won't hurt that much?
So many things has happened this year, both good and bad, losing friends, living in denial.
It's really time for a big change, but what is it that I have to do, to be happy again.
Am I happy? Or am I just living in denial. I feel like it's a mix of both.
I can't deny i want something more than what I have now. I am starting to feel I need more and can't settle for too little. I'm starting to feel i can't continue living in a perpetual lie, deceiving my self and pretending to be happy. I need to find my true soul, my true heart. I felt i have lost myself, I don't feel my existence in myself, or with my friends.
Am i just feeling too tired to be feeling all these negativity, or is this all that i'm experiencing a genuine encounter.
He has been too busy working, he hardly have time for me. I hardly see my friends, I don't know why. Do i choose to be alone, or am i being neglected.
X'mas party was a 80% success, and followed by a failure Ferry Corsten session at zouk on xmas day. Then followed by alot of sleep. I didn't really get any nice present either. Is this a great x'mas? Or is it just my lonely neglected heart feeling cynical.
My heart and mind and soul is in such a state of tranquility, i almost feel like a lifeless zombie that just wants to sleep and do not want to be disturbed.
At the end of the day, I would be walking from the bus stop to home like a cold cold soul.
I just want peace and quiet...
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
I AM
I AM...28 now... Happy Birthday to myself..
It's my birthday today but i'm totally not in the mood...not in the mood to celebrate or do anything...and I don't feel happy at all...after all that has happened around me...
I received a really great present from my buddy and boss (buddy's wife), a Juicy Couture handbag!!! Boss wanted me to take off or even time off on my birthday but I refused. I have nothing to do and no where to go...how sad rite. LOL...
So I choose to work...keep myself busy...drown myself in work.
Wanted to have a big celebration this year...thought of celebrating on a yatch at sentosa 1 degree 15...cos of 3 reasons...28th year, 28 is the chinese symbolic number of a rooster, and my birthday on the 28th. But....really...not in the right situation and mood to have such a big celebration... financially can't afford too!!! LOL
He didn't know it's my bd...cos I didn't tell him...cos he didn't ask...so I never told. I wanted to end it...cos the r/s is really stagnant...nothing is happening at all...and I really mean nothing...so I thought I should move on...and I dun want to feel sad on my bd...so I thought I should end it with him..just the day before my bd...which I did...Hope it's going to stay this way...but i kinda feel upset ending it just like that... and he's also upset...he claims that he dun like to feeling of knowing that he's not with me...sweet talking again i suppose. ARGH!!!
Apart from this r/s problem...there's many other problems why i'm feeling down and moody...not just cos of this silly r/s...but i'm just hanging in there now...seriously drowning myself in work and work and work.
Can't wait to unwind with my pals this fri... and can't wait for national day.. Progressions with SVR at powerhouse...omg...can't wait to trancing trancing again!!!
It's my birthday today but i'm totally not in the mood...not in the mood to celebrate or do anything...and I don't feel happy at all...after all that has happened around me...
I received a really great present from my buddy and boss (buddy's wife), a Juicy Couture handbag!!! Boss wanted me to take off or even time off on my birthday but I refused. I have nothing to do and no where to go...how sad rite. LOL...
So I choose to work...keep myself busy...drown myself in work.
Wanted to have a big celebration this year...thought of celebrating on a yatch at sentosa 1 degree 15...cos of 3 reasons...28th year, 28 is the chinese symbolic number of a rooster, and my birthday on the 28th. But....really...not in the right situation and mood to have such a big celebration... financially can't afford too!!! LOL
He didn't know it's my bd...cos I didn't tell him...cos he didn't ask...so I never told. I wanted to end it...cos the r/s is really stagnant...nothing is happening at all...and I really mean nothing...so I thought I should move on...and I dun want to feel sad on my bd...so I thought I should end it with him..just the day before my bd...which I did...Hope it's going to stay this way...but i kinda feel upset ending it just like that... and he's also upset...he claims that he dun like to feeling of knowing that he's not with me...sweet talking again i suppose. ARGH!!!
Apart from this r/s problem...there's many other problems why i'm feeling down and moody...not just cos of this silly r/s...but i'm just hanging in there now...seriously drowning myself in work and work and work.
Can't wait to unwind with my pals this fri... and can't wait for national day.. Progressions with SVR at powerhouse...omg...can't wait to trancing trancing again!!!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Time To Rest
Finally had time to rest today...after working full force at Nana's for 4 days. My new and stable job at Far East as a retail asst manager. Totally drained physically...can't even feel my toes...but got great sense of achievement and I enjoy doing what i'm doing. Lazed at home the whole day today...on my new sofa and watching tv. So shiok. Totally rested my feet and legs.
I worked almost 11 hours a day... totally no time and energy for other activities...and kinda start to feel a little numb and giving up on the r/s...since we're both so busy and have no time for each other at all...and he played me out...didn't even inform me if he could go watch OTOT with me... ended up in a really embarrassed and awkward situation... how sad...how silly...
That's why I decided that he's so impossible and ended the r/s with him. That's when he starts to get upset and starts giving me the attention again...and claims that he really wants to be with me...just that he really can't afford the time... WTF... and so we're back to square one again...this seems like a never ending game...when is this ever going to end? ??!!! ARGH!!!!
We talked...and we both realised that we both feel alot for each other...but deep down inside knowing that it's impossible for us to be together...for many reasons... cos we're both too busy...and cos he's not able to accept me for who I am..my nightlife..my social networking activities...
But we're still together now... I seriously dunno for what reason... why are we both not willing to let go...is he really serious or whatever he says is just sweet nothings that is messing with my mind and heart again....
Was too free had nothing to do at home today so had so much time to think of all these nonsense....but when at work... I was so occupied with work and feeling tired I dun even think of this...I just let it be...So can't wait to get back to work tomorrow. And so looking forward to busy weekend to hit the sales target...
But I do miss him too... :(
I worked almost 11 hours a day... totally no time and energy for other activities...and kinda start to feel a little numb and giving up on the r/s...since we're both so busy and have no time for each other at all...and he played me out...didn't even inform me if he could go watch OTOT with me... ended up in a really embarrassed and awkward situation... how sad...how silly...
That's why I decided that he's so impossible and ended the r/s with him. That's when he starts to get upset and starts giving me the attention again...and claims that he really wants to be with me...just that he really can't afford the time... WTF... and so we're back to square one again...this seems like a never ending game...when is this ever going to end? ??!!! ARGH!!!!
We talked...and we both realised that we both feel alot for each other...but deep down inside knowing that it's impossible for us to be together...for many reasons... cos we're both too busy...and cos he's not able to accept me for who I am..my nightlife..my social networking activities...
But we're still together now... I seriously dunno for what reason... why are we both not willing to let go...is he really serious or whatever he says is just sweet nothings that is messing with my mind and heart again....
Was too free had nothing to do at home today so had so much time to think of all these nonsense....but when at work... I was so occupied with work and feeling tired I dun even think of this...I just let it be...So can't wait to get back to work tomorrow. And so looking forward to busy weekend to hit the sales target...
But I do miss him too... :(
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