Always A Fool

I've always been a fool...as always...when it comes to... relationship.

I'm in a so-called relationship (r/s)...a supposedly serious r/s but doesn't seems like a r/s at all. The same guy mentioned in the earlier posts. He claims he is serious bout the r/s and he likes me alot...but yet...I don't seem to feel it or see it at all! We meet only once a week cos he claims he is really busy busy busy with work and tired tired tired from work. Oh what a lousy but yet useful excuse! He's really responsible and serious at work...but that places me the back of his mind and the least important on his list! He hardly calls me or sms me. But he expects me to sms and msn him! He gets upset when I don't sms him or msn him the entire day...but yet he has a habbit of not replying my sms and I'm not suppose to get mad or question him! How selfish! Oh well ok he didn't say i'm not allowed to question him...but I hate to question him cos I find it irritating myself too!

He is a devil...but he really makes me smile from the heart...from deep within...and when i'm with him...I'm really in cloud 9...but when we go our seperate ways after our date...I would start to feel sour and worry and...feel sad all over again...

True enough...I do not trust him enough...just as I dun trust any other guys...cos i've really seen too much negative stuffs going on...
I've been very pessimistic...I must admit and agree...cos of my past experiences and what I see and know around me. I'm not trying to find excuses for him or trying to cover up...just like the movie "he's just not that into you"...but..i guess it's really just not fair that...I'm always doubting him...and for being so pessimistic about everything and this r/s.

I'm starting to try to be more optimistic about this r/s...trying to have faith in this r/s...trying to believe that he is really serious about this r/s...but yet... action really speaks louder than words...I'm just waiting for the day he would really show his sincererity and seriousness. I seriously dunno how far this can go...cos his expectations of me seems to be quite high. He expects me to quit clubbing...and be a stay home girl...I know these are ridiculous and unreasonable request...but yet his request is really for my own good if I were to really think deep and analyze them.

I'm really puzzled and lost as to how much faith and effort I should put into this r/s. Of cos I do like him alot...otherwise I would have just let go and move on. However...part of me tells me that it's really time to settle down and not be that playful and wild me anymore...but that's just really me...why can't he just accept me for who I am and we both meet in the middle to try to work things out...if we really like each other enough.

I'm really lost and puzzled...really in dilemma...and don't seem to have the courage to let go of this r/s and move on...which the other side of me tells me that I should just let go and I'll be happier. I've been quite miserable and upset eversince this r/s started...only time I'm happy is when we're out dating. This is not good... this is terrible... how long can I tolerate this...how far can this go... why am I always a fool... :(