Move On - from a friend Barry Tan

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See beyond immediate circumstances. Clear the decks of any old grievances. Learn from the past and move on by tapping into your inner resources of self-worth and humility. With honesty and commitment, softly let go and let others change. There are new horizons, new growth and a new lease of life.
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Our beliefs are created out of our past experiences; the situations that we get ourselves into and the people that have crossed our paths. These beliefs shape our thoughts and our reactions now, in the present. And through this process, we create the reality we want to see, which further reinforce these beliefs that become the facts we strongly attached ourselves to.

Are we missing out on something here?
Have we actually become the very victims of our own reality and thus, our past?

See beyond immediate circumstances and challenge our beliefs.

Learn the lessons from the past and move on by tapping into your inner resources of self-worth and humility. When you clear these decks of old grievances, you are emptying vessels and more importantly, renewing your heart.

Change is eminent. With honesty and commitment, softly let go and allow others to change. When you move on, others around you move on too.

What better way to face the bigger reality of life and its tribulations than like one who sees new horizons, new growth and new opportunities all the time.

Unforgivable

What's unforgivable? The behaviour of some men... I mentioned SOME MEN, not ALL MEN ok.

V went on a date last night, with the young chap, Lwho picked us up at Mambo last wed. L was the one who dated her out, supposedly for dinner, and drinks at Boat Quay. But he arrived, underdressed (tshirt, berms and slippers) even later than V did, and better still, already had dinner, without informing V earlier. V had to starve till L arrive to have dinner, and to find out that he already had, and it was already 10pm. Fuming already. Nvm. V had to pay for the dinner, and his can of drink. V is still fine with this, cos she was the one eating. But L should at least have the decency to open up and pour out V's can of drink. He was simply indulging his drink in his own world. LOL.
They proceeded to Chillz for drinks and singing. They ordered a jug of beer, L drank like as though he is damn thirsty. V only drank 1 glass. When the bill came to him, he looked at the bill and looked at V and kept quiet, so V had to foot the bill with her credit card instead. And he didn't even say THANK YOU!!!
WTF. Xiao Bai Lian is so written all over his face. And instead of walking V to where she has to wait for her transport, he subconsiously led her to walk him to the MRT station instead. How nice... how gentlemen...how suave...
He was quite a gentleman and was quite suave when we met him at Zouk. Never would we expect him to be such a...Disgustingly Disastrous Guy (DDG, a new term by V).

Just So Unforgivable...

A has totally stopped contacting me. His dad is still calling me and msging me asking me how am I and why haven't been visiting him. Told him i was busy. I was actually mad with A, for what he has done to me. He knew I was hurt and... used... but yet all he can do to me is just totally not contact me. Is he doing this on purpose or is he really busy with getting over his shitty emo situation? I hate him so much...

cause leaving me the way you did was just so... Unforgivable...

But then again...at least I've woken up from this lesson...and no longer am foolishly letting him make use of me... will never believe his sweet nothings and hopeful words ever!

Your sweet nothings are deceiving...
But I won't Be made a fool...
Cause leaving me the way you did was just so... Unforgivable...

Another Tiring Weekend

This weekend wasn't busy or hectic. There wasn't any clubbing or partying involved. But was tiring cos of the blardy damn hot weather. But today's weather was really nice...it finally rained...with cold winds.

Due to some unforseen circumstances...the outdoor outing to Cafe Del Mar on Sat was cancelled. Alot of people last minute backed out... but then again the weather was scorching hot lah. I would have got darker and get myself more roasted if we still went ahead with the plan.

Went to a friend's wedding reception earlier today. It was held at Polo Club along upper thomson road. We used to hang out together during our primary school days, when we were 9 or 10 years old. A few others who hanged out together with us during those days were also at the reception. Haven met them for almost 15 years I suppose.
Amongst us, Vega is the only one who tied the knot, at the age of 28. Been with her bf since their Uni days, so it's almost equals to being together for about 8 years. The rest of us, including me, age ranging 26-28... are all single...hhmmm and I wonder why... haha.. Realised that alot rather stay single and enjoy singlehood and freedom, and not torture themselves with burden and responsibilities which might not reap them benefits but more disadvantages.

But sadly... many men has abused their authority... and the trust and friendship.... cos many men...never think with the right head! They think with the head down there and not the one up there!!! How practical and real right???!!!

Reminiscing the Poly Clubbing Days

During Poly days, together with V (who found me on Fb recently after losing contact for 7 years), we would go clubbing on any day. Even the night before exam, we would lose control and sneak out of my house (burning midnight oil at my place) and head to mhd sultan. Then it was Madam wong, The Page and Next Page and Samsara that we frequent. We would party like crazy and make sure we go home happy.

Yeah, just the 2 of us. A girls night out last night (ladies night), after so many years. But this time round... we had to choose places where either we will feel comfortable with (knowing the music and crowd), or places where there are lesser Young Girls. LOL last time we have to worry about age limit...now we're worrying about... over age limit? LOL

We've not been out in the partying scene for too long so not too sure bout the music they play at the clubs. So after slupring our free drinks at Zirca, we finally ended up at Mambo cos we're sure about the songs they play. And also ended up getting picked up by 22 year old boi bois... all thanks to V, for being seh aka looking bored. LOL. These 2 young bois are so eager and so enthusiastic! They know we're older than them but chose not to guess our age. haha. So younger bois liking older gals is still a trend. LOL.

I've already changed my image by changing my hairstyle so that i'll look my age or close to my age, and hopefully get picked up by the right guys...But why am I still getting picked up by much younger bois??!!! ARGH!!! And they thought I'm 25...how nice... but scary time flies so quickly I'm nearing 30 alrdy. DAMN!!!

Will slowly monitor what these young chaps want from older plus sized girls. haha. I think I can start writing a book titled "What Men Really Are and What They Want." I'm am gathering more information and would like to conduct interviews too. wahahah. We shall see...

Calmly Observe - (Shared by my friend Barry Tan)

If you calmly observe, you will more clearly see situations for what they really are.

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How many times when we have allowed our past experiences and paradigms to demarkate and judge our present moments?

To do this is to almost experience life in a well. Like that folk tale of a frog that lives in a well, only knowing that the sky is as big as the mouth of the well. Could you imagine the number of opportunities that you could have not seen or could have missed out, because of a paradigmed and conditioned mindset?

Free your mind. Free your mind and allow a non-judgemental awareness to take over. To calmly observe is to observe in the mind of a new-born baby, To see and judge every predictament or situation with an unbiased point-of-view. In this way, you will allow yourself to see situations for what they really are.

Do know that there's always two sides to a coin; and a flipside to every situation, problem or occurence? A Yin-Yang example of opposites and underlying meanings. Could there have been a lesson that you could have rejoiced about?

Emo Tuesday... so much things going on in my mind!!!

As if things are not bad enough.
As of it is...things has already gotten to such a drastic and embarrassing situtation... to the point of...no return I suppose? I dunno..let's just see how things goes with his side. But bottom line...I know I shouldn't believe him anymore...or even put in any effort to impress anymore. Just sit back and FUCK CARE!!!

And as for C's side... he might just want a rollercoaster ride instead of a romantic ride on the ferris wheel. How sad right, and he's such a good catch! We got along so well and felt so comfortable with each other. But he only believe in THE RIGHT ONE...so I guess... it's too early to tell if I'm his RIGHT ONE...or simply just not. But then again I also need to find out if he is My Right One. Cos I also believe in finding THE RIGHT ONE...

Is there no more decent guy out there? Is there no such thing as a decent date anymore??!!! Or am I just simply meeting all the wrong men??!! Why do I always end up getting myself into shitty situations???!!!

I just want a decent date... a decent romantic date. Like a dinner and movie date. A stroll at ECP or just cruising in his car around SingaBore listening to Class 95 or Lush 99.5. Just pureply decent and no SEX mentioned!!! Is it that hard??!!! Is sex really so important or the only thing men think about???!!! Of cos with someone reasonable, dun throw me a geek or someone I have totally no interest in. I'd rather stay home and cry over my taiwan drama.

Feeling really down and emo lately... the fact that I've been always learning and listening about how difficult it is to find true love... and many real and disgusting facts about some men ( I meant some...cos I know there are still good men around but limited edition). All these information are good in a way... but it's just really draining me to know about such sad facts... facts that I have to absorb and eventually accept them.

I'm feeling horrible... I need to quickly do something to pick up the pieces!!!
I think I should clean up my room tmr to make me feel better... and go out on a girl's nite out on a wed night. I hate this feeling!!! ARGH!!!

Taiwan / Korean / Japanese Drama Vs Life In Reality

Now I finally came to realise and understand why people loves watching all these drama series.

I've been lately indulging in some Taiwan drama series. Can't find true love in real life right? So no choice but to indulge in drama series. And also somehow still keeps me believing that True Love does exist. Oh well... I almost thought there's very slight possibilities of finding true love.

Surrounded by too many divorce cases and 2nd marriage cases. Surrounded by men who are womanizers esp at the prime age of 30-40.
I'll talk more about this topic later...not now...

I just wanna say... I can only find love and comfort by watching taiwan drama now.
How sad right... hahaha

It's Been Really Long...

It's really been really long (1 and 1/2 year) since I last updated this peaceful serenity...

Too much things been going on, so much to the point of changing a few perceptions and principles of life, which also caused a little character change. There's so much going on in my mind...so much that it's overflowing...so guess it's time to list them down before I go crazy!!!

Time really flies, just a blink of the eye and it's now coming to an end of April 2009. One third of the year flew past just like that.

Am I still the same old me? I questioned myself numerous times.
Part of me still exists, but part of me evanesced too....

I managed to catch up with many old friends lately....over the past 1 and 1/2 year of missing in action. Friends from 12 years ago... IJ mates... CYF mates... ex bfs...Poly mates....
And also got to know many new friends...and made good friends too...

Along this combination of negative n positive, yet bizarre journey, I've picked up so much that has opened up and broadened my mindset and perspection of life, friends, especially Men. Not that I'm trying to pick on men...but I realised that lately, I have found out and learnt so much... so much that it scares me... so much that I'm starting to fear marriage or even getting into a commited relationship... so much that... I'm seeing almost the same characteristics in many men! My eyes has finally opened up!!! And I'm sure there's much more to be discovered!!! OM MY!!! I hope I can handle all these. I am going to discover, which part of me, my heart or my mindset, or just simply me myself and I, that is helping me hang in there and keep being strong and overcome whatever WEIRD WEIRD OBSTACLES I have been encountering!!!

DAMN LIFE!!!! IT'S SO DIFFICULT ON ME!!!! WHY SO???!!!! But yet I'm enjoying and appreciating every single moment! I'm indulging in both the happiness and sadness!
I've learnt to soak in the sun, absorbing all the sunshine and exhuberant energy of the sun!
I've learnt to enjoy outdoor activities and appreciating the natural mother nature surrounding me.
I've learnt to spend wisely...well of cos based on the situation I've been in for the past 3 years never allowed me to splurge...so I guess it's good thing.
I've learnt to become a Xiao Nu Ren (not as Da Nu Ren as before) and more submissive now. And even learnt to be very patient and caring towards the elders.
I'm forseeing that I'm in for more weird happenings and obstacles... am I really just suay??? or this is just life???!!!

This is just the beginning of my nagging and bragging of how sucky my life is....more to come....